“Give Me Needy Emotional Whining Bullshit. Flash. Give Me Self-Absorbed Egocentric Twaddle. Christ."

“But if you tell folks you're a college student, folks are so impressed. You can be a student in anything and not have to know anything. Just say toxicology or marine biokinesis, and the person you're talking to will change the subject to himself. If this doesn't work, mention the neural synapses of embryonic pigeons.”

A couple of posts ago (to be exact, years ago), I mentioned that I’ve found myself in a reading rut. It’s still true to this day but on the upside of this ordeal, this means that I’ve plenty of unread books sitting on various tables at home, waiting for me to give them their due attention. I’ve realized that more than anything in this world, the most difficult thing to attain is motivation. Where can one buy the will to follow through her plans? Oh well. Aside from indulging in the numerous series that I’m catching up on, this quarantine has somehow forced me to pick up a few books to read. I have finished 3 books in total since the nationwide lockdown in Metro Manila began last 16 Mar 2020. It's not my usual number pre-reading rut but still, this is better than my 2019 count of 0. Today, I'm going to talk about Chuck Palahniuk's Invisible Monsters. 

 

“Give me lust, baby.

Flash.

Give me malice.

Flash.

Give me detached existentialist ennui.

Flash.

Give me rampant intellectualism as a coping mechanism.

Flash.”

I bought the book in 2017, just a couple of weeks after I've finished my first Palahniuk novel (which I talked about HERE). I was thirsty for more of the distinct Palahniuk brand of black humor but alas. I couldn't finish the novel for some reason. I even brought it to some of the trips that I’ve been to hoping that with nothing else to do while waiting for my flight, I’ll just get to it but this mentality didn’t work. It was only this Apr 2020 that I finally sat down and read it. It took me less than a day to complete it. More than its interesting cover, the way it was written was even more interesting. Truly, Palahniuk is a master wordsmith. His writing style is a character on its own and sets him apart from all the other authors who have mesmerized me as well. More than the plot, I highly recommend this novel if only for the way it was written. 

“No matter how careful you are, there’s going to be the sense you missed something, the collapsed feeling under your skin that you didn’t experience it all. There’s that fallen heart feeling that you rushed right through the moments where you should have been paying attention. Well get used to that feeling. That’s how your whole life will feel like someday.”

As he has said, this story isn't an “and then, and then, and then” type. It’s more along “jump to page”. Be forewarned that the narrator is unreliable. It's only within the last 10 pages or so that her confusion which led to unreliability would be revealed to have had a reason. To summarize, the book is about a very beautiful young woman whose looks and built are enough to send insecure girls such as myself to surgeons in hopes that we can look like her. She works as a model and so even in mundane life scenarios, she hears prompts such as “Give me attention. Flash. Give me adoration. Flash. Give me a break. Flash.” Until one day, she meets an unfortunate accident which cost her her entire jaw. From a walking goddess whom everybody seems to pave the way for, she turns to a creature who inspires pity out of those who'll look at her. Her face became so pitiful that people pretended that she no longer exists just so they won't have to resort to pretending that they feel sorry for her when in truth, they recoil at the distorted figure in front of them. 

“It's all mirror, mirror on the wall because beauty is power the same way money is power the same way a gun is power.”

Because the heroine lost her jaw, even her speech became garbled which added to her distortion. Enter the misfits who took her under their wing. Together, they navigated through their issues and dreams and disappointments while going on adventures with the goal of chasing what they each believe would give them happiness. Our heroine received guidance from the Queen Supreme who imparts to her wisdom that helped her accept who she has become. Included in their many adventures are lessons on how to accept the past as a mere story which happened but does not necessarily mean must continue nor affect the future, on how a new life can begin from complete destruction, on how at any point in one's life it is possible to undergo transformation, on how we are all just an echo of something that has already been done before, and on how manipulative possessing beauty can be. 

“Game shows are designed to make us feel better about the random, useless facts that are all we have left of our education.”

“Just each of us being me, me, me first. The murderer, the victim, the witness each of us thinks our role is the lead. Probably that goes for anybody in the world.”

These 2 sets of photos were taken 1 year apart. I've just thought that April usually is a busy month for me in terms of going out and meeting up with friends; and believe me, I am such a homebody that it requires mental conditioning before I agree to leaving the confines of my home. I rarely agree to an on-the-spot meetup. Anyway. April of this year has been the quietest April in my last 5 years, although it's during this year's April that I finally read this novel so there's that for semblance of accomplishment. In Apr 2018, I joined some friends in their trip to Seoul, South Korea because I was in need of a break from work. The last 2 photos were from that trip. Fast forward to Apr 2019 when my parents decided that our summer 2019 family trip would be in Seoul. The first 2 photos were taken then. Not that I think this would be a regular happenstance in my annual plans but I just thought that it would be cohesive to have the same color palette in both trips thus the pink tops. Also, it was during the 2018 trip that I bought the coat which I wore when I returned in 2019. How's that for coming full circle?

 

“Parents are like God because you wanna know they're out there, and you want them to think well of you, but you really only call when you need something.”

As had been the case in the first Palahniuk novel that I've read, I've come to appreciate this novel's take on religion too. He compared God to our earthly parents, and his comparisons have merits. 

“Your being born makes your parents God. You owe them your life, and they can control you. Then puberty makes you Satan, just because you want something better.”

Science, history, and our personal experiences have proven that the world is kinder to those whom it deems beautiful. There is power that goes along with it. This is a given, I suppose. Meanwhile, the book also affirms that society is cruel to those whom it deems ugly. Whether it's been done unknowingly or otherwise, we create certain expectations that only those who meet them are allowed to be part of our circle. We judge others based on several measurements, be it according to their beauty, their intellectual capability, their social circles, their social status, their socio-economic prowess, their educational attainment, even their taste in pets, and so on. The media has fed us an image of what is good and what is bad, what would constitute success and what would constitute failure. We have all become sponges who are ready to accept without processing information just because it's been drilled into our minds. In general, I don't believe that there's anything bad in having certain biases. Perhaps we all have an innate radar that goes off when we meet someone whom we unconsciously believe threatens what we have come to regard as the standard. Sometimes our prejudices are stemmed from our self-preservation. Then again, more often than not, we hold what we believe are their weaknesses against others because we would rather go for convenience, or what is readily accepted by the majority, rather than go out our way in knowing more about them. See, it's easier to judge others than to understand them. 

“In the way our world is, everybody shoulder to shoulder, people knowing everything about you at first glance, a good veil is your tinted limousine window. The unlisted number for your face. Behind a good veil, you could be anyone.”

The book is also  about us creating multiple veils of our real selves in order to satisfy the expectations of society. We are all so scared to be ostracized that we would rather have these layers of persona who may or may not reflect who we truly are. If there's anything that the book has made me do, it's to re-evaluate myself. I've come to realize that I should listen to the novel when it said, "sometimes the best way to deal with shit is not to hold yourself as such a precious little prize." It'll take a long time before I can shed all my veils but until then, let's see where life would take me. Maybe this is why I have been subconsciously evading the novels that I've bought over the past 2yrs. They're causing too much introspection! Hahahaha I think that I have been successful in not giving away too much spoilers about the novel. I urge you, read it. It is a good jumpstart to Palahniuk's works (aside from his well-known Fight Club). 

 

 "Give me pity. 

Flash.

Give me another chance.

Flash."

April 2019 outfit

Pink Coat: from a shop in Dongdaemun, South Korea | Pants: Levi's | Shoes: New Balance | Red top: Terranova | Bag: Gucci Guccissima

April 2018 outfit

Sweater: Banana Republic | Pants: Levi's | Shoes: Calvin Klein | Bag: Givenchy Pandora 

 

“Nothing of me is original. I am the combined effort of everyone I've ever known.”

“What would you grab, if you had to pack up your life in only minutes?”

Let me precede this entry with saying that during these past months where we have been in quarantine due to the growing cases of covid-afflicted patients, I have done nothing but watch all the shows that I've always wanted to but couldn't because life has always gotten in the way. And then the nationwide quarantine came. I now have all the time in the world to just laze in front of the TV and absorb as much random information as I can from the shows that have fascinated me for years now. I'd like to believe that I'm a mentally stable person who just happens to be overly fascinated with crime scene investigations. I've been teased so many times by my brothers and a few close friends because sometimes, I can't stop my verbal vomit of how forensic science has conclusively solved a murder investigation. And it's true, my Netflix account is used primarily to watch the 20-minute episodes of Forensic Files. It makes me feel safe knowing that the technology of today is no longer as unreliable as it used to be. I'm relieved to know that a criminal, no matter how organized and attentive to detail he is, can no longer commit the so-called perfect crime. It is while watching this show that I encountered the story of an archbishop who turned out to be a Nazi sympathizer in his past. 

“Good people are good people; religion has nothing to do with it.”

Last Feb 2019, one of my closest friends and I embarked on a 3wk Eurotrip. Despite consistently having a European country in my bucketlist of countries to visit before I turn so and so, it's only been last year that I finally had the chance to go. Since most of the intellectual figures whom I heavily obsessed on at one point in my life came from Europe, I've always thought that there's something in the European waters that have either produced or inspired brilliance to spring forth. Not to mention that Europe as a whole seems to have an abundance of natural beauty. 

Dress: Calvin Klein | Boots: from a department store in US | Bag: Prada | Sunglasses: Ray-Ban | Heattech used as Inner top: Uniqlo | Earrings: borrowed from my friend Tatiana

In the first paragraph, I was referring to Valerian Trifa, who served as Archbishop of Detroit. He entered USA under the false pretenses that he was a Romanian victim of the Holocaust. He was granted the US citizenship and worked his way up the ranks in the Church. Other Romanian refugees who sought asylum in the US identified him as a member of the Iron Guard and was responsible for the death of hundreds of Jews in Romania, all in the service of the Fuhrer. Despite his initial denial of his past, he was eventually stripped off of his US citizenship and he was asked to leave the US after living there for more than 40yrs. Forensic scientists proved that the Archbishop's penmanship matched positively to the penmanship of the person whom he was accused of being. His official church documents were compared to the penmanship found on a postcard which was signed by a vacationing Iron Guard member in Germany, that was dated in the 1940s. Moreover, the same postcard bore his thumbprint (which was only identified in the 1980s because that's when technology finally caught up). He died at the age of 72yrs old, in a city in Portugal, the only country that accepted him after learning of his past. 

“It’s a little convenient, isn’t it, to say that the reason you did something horrible was because someone else told you to. That doesn’t make it any less wrong. No matter how many people are telling you to jump off a bridge, you always have the option to turn around and walk away.”

Perhaps the first time that I ever became aware of the existence of the US' Office of Special Investigations was when I read Jodi Picoult's The Storyteller in 2013 (all the quotes in this post, including the title that I've used are lifted from this but I will write my thoughts on the book extensively in a separate post). Imagine my interest in learning that so many of the SS officers fled to the US under false pretenses to escape the consequences of the horrible crime that they've committed during WWII. A lot of them have successfully escaped for various reasons but perhaps among the biggest was, their conviction heavily relied on the accounts of the survivors. I won't pretend that I know about physiological changes so I'm assuming that it would be difficult to assume how one person would look like when you add 30 - 40 yrs to his age. How difficult it must be to identify a 70yr old everyday guy to be the same person who tortured you decades ago. 

“Power isn't about doing something terrible to someone who's weaker than you, Reiner. It's having the strength to do something terrible, and choosing not to.”

I think that people like Trifa, or John Demjanjuk (the SS guard who also made a life in the US after his stint in the concentration camps but was later on tried in Israel for his war crimes), thought that they deserve a second chance. Maybe they thought that they were just pawns in the chess game. In the case of Trifa particularly, perhaps he thought that he can atone for his participation in the murder of hundreds of Jews by serving the Church in the latter part of his life. He was a Nazi sympathizer in his youth only to become a man of the Church in his adulthood. But the question is, are their crimes pardonable to begin with? What about the lives of the millions of those who suffered just because they happened to believe in a different Being?  Who can judge if the repentance of people like Trifa is enough to compensate for the millions of lives that they've disregarded? Can their form of repentance ever be enough?

“It's easy to say you will do what's right and shun what's wrong, but when you get close enough to any given situation, you realize that there is no black or white. There are gradations of gray.”

In light with everything that's happening worldwide, I just wish that humankind would learn from the past. Discrimination is rampant; it always has been. We've known that it's what caused the greatest atrocities committed against humanity yet we cannot fully reject it. How come people only know better after committing the crime? As an answer to whether the crimes committed during the Holocaust is pardonable or not, I personally agree that regardless of the age, those who have participated must not have the right to enjoy the remaining years of their life in freedom. There are some sins that cannot be forgiven. They might be 'mere pawns' as they have limited their role to be, but it was a role nonetheless. If there won't be any roles, then there wouldn't have been murders. It's a system that requires the thinkers or the heads and the hands or the pawns who would act on what the former has decided on. I think that punishing them is not a retribution because after all, the dead will not return to life, but rather, it's a message to all those who would dare commit such a crime again. It's a message that says, we will all be accountable for our own actions, no matter how big or how small we think them to be. At the end of the day, we get to choose the person who we are going to be. 

“There was no black or white. Someone who had been good her entire life could, in fact, do something evil. People were just as capable of committing murder, under the right circumstances, as any monster.”

These photos were taken in Ljubljana, Slovenia last 15 Feb 2019. (I couldn't imagine going on this trip with anyone else but you, Tats! Thank you for joining me despite the less than 2wks notice)

"What I demand of myself, I cannot demand of everyone."

“I know that when a supersexy older girl with hips and breasts and nice hair wants to take off your glasses and to paint you a smoky eye she's merely trying to enroll you in a beauty contest she's already won. It's a kind of slummy, condescending gesture, like when rich people ask poor people where they summer. To me, this smacks of a blatant, insensitive "let them eat cake" type of chauvinism.” 

I have recently read 2 brilliant novels, both of which I have rated with 4 out of 5 stars in Goodreads (by recently, I meant that I finished these 1st week of May). They hit the kind of humor that I strongly albeit secretly subscribe to: insensitive and unapologetic. Just kidding, the books were just really funny. And they’re both my first from each authors.

Jacket with wool lining: Abercrombie & Fitch | Inner top: Zara | Pants and bonnet: Uniqlo | Boots: from department store in US | Sunnies: Oakley | Bag: Balenciaga City | Scarf: H&M

"It's my petty fear of personal rejection that allows so many true evils to exist. My cowardice enables atrocities."

I have read a few of Palahniuk’s quotes while browsing Pinterest. I’ve pinned some of them without having read the book whence they came from just because they were downright offensively funny, just the uncustomary straight-in-your-face rebuttal that I find hilarious (trust me, I’ve recently learned that not everyone appreciates this kind of humor. Or was it just my delivery that made the entire supposedly humorous situation overly offensive? Hmmm). Anyway. For my first Palahniuk novel, I bought “Damned”, the book where the cover looks like an inebriated evilmonger. Certainly the book wasn’t a conflict-resolved case (I read that 2 more are coming after?) and that it was more of a thrill-along-the-way kind of read but just the same, I loved it!

"Few marriages sustain the high level of passion that exists between criminals and those who seek to bring them to justice. It’s no wonder the Zodiac Killer flirted so relentlessly with the police. Or that Jack the Ripper courted and baited detectives with his - or her - coy letters. We all wish to be pursued. We all long to be desired."

The premise was very simple: a chubby well-bred, well-groomed, well off 13-year old girl died and went to Hell. While there, she became overlord, besting out the likes of Hitler as she stayed longer. Instead of resenting the toxic place that was Hell, she started embracing it. Here comes the bummer: whilst enjoying her growing power, she was told that there has been a mix-up, that she wasn’t supposed to be in Hell in the first place. Bla, bla, bla. It’s a formulaic plot and the plot itself didn’t astound me. What made me decide to file it under the rest of my beloved 4-star books is that, I found it refreshing and amusing to read a novel that showcased a different type of humor. Yes yes, I quite agree that senseless, idiotic, and stupid jokes are funny. I even share them on an every hour basis with my colleague at work. I also agree that some smart jokes are funny too (of course I’m not discounting the fact that perhaps I only consider “some” and not “all” to be funny because I mostly do not understand smart jokes). And have you read my favorite book, Wilde’s The Picture of Dorian Gray? That’s a treasure trove of funny insults. 

Aside from its humor, I liked how the book made its stand on religion:

“All the demons of Hell formerly reigned as gods in previous cultures. No it's not fair, but one man's god is another man's devil. As each subsequent civilization became a dominant power, among its first acts was to depose and demonize whoever the previous culture had worshipped."

It makes sense, doesn't it? I have long been trying to find logic and sense in religion until I've decided that I can classify it among those things under "To Each His Own". Believe in what works for you just as have respect for what works for others.

"It is an old refrain — everybody agrees that the rats must be exterminated, but when it comes down to it, sympathy for the individual rat is huge. Only sympathy, mind you; there is no desire to keep the rat. The two must not be confused."

The 2nd book that I couldn't help myself from gushing about and sharing with everyone I know who reads, is Timur Vermes' Look Who's Back. Every now and then, I never failed in mentioning that among the stories that greatly interest me is those which happened during the Regime of the Nazis. But, it's not because I share the same ideology. My beliefs are far from it, in fact. It's just because the atrocities committed then, all in the name of upholding a racial belief, has always evoked the most melancholic thoughts from me. There's no logic that can be found in the most heinous crime ever committed against humanity. Hitler, by means of command-responsibility, is single-handedly the worst creature that was ever blessed with a brain. These are my quick two-cents about the historical Hitler.

"An idiot who does idiotic things is not funny."

"Well, I was certainly planning to demonstrate my importance, but it was doubtful whether they would be able to handle it."

Now, on to my thoughts on the literary Hitler. I came across the book one afternoon when I was supposed to meet up with my college best friend. I arrived 30mins earlier than agreed upon so I went straight to Fully Booked. I saw the book, bought it, and showed up to the meeting place 23 minutes late. Well, what can I do, the book was surprisingly humorous. Tasteless, sure (if only because any attempt to downplay Hitler's crimes are considered as such). But it's certainly fun. Very briefly, the book is about Hitler who has woken up from his suicide in 1945 only to be met with the changes in 2011. With his rancour and wit in check, he rose to fame as a social media sensation. This book, just like Damned, is not a book with a destination in mind. It's a book that's meant to thrill its readers along the way.

The Hitler in this novel is witty, insightful, definitely not "the half-breed of indeterminate lineage", and quite possibly "the choice of Fate herself". If anything, I'd say that this novel could be the humorous novel counterpart of Machiavelli's The Prince. Or fine, it could be the lighter brother of historical Hitler's Mein Kampf. In short, I was highly entertained with the Hitler in this novel. I can even go and say, I share plenty of similar beliefs with this literary Hitler. 

"I am the ambassador for uncompromising opinions."

The book was well-researched too. Its nuggets of historical accuracies added to the few facts that I know of about the Holocaust. I never bothered knowing about Goebbels, Himmler, Goring, Bormann, and all those other SS officials. It doesn't matter if the Holocaust began because of Hitler's desire to purify the German race and was only blown out of proportions because of the likes of Himmler. It doesn't matter if in the future, evidences could prove that Hitler's role in it was only in planting the seed of idea and that his officials were the ones who interpreted and acted on this idea thus commanding the genocide. None of these would matter because as literary Hitler said, "the Fuhrer's unique talent is not the accumulation of dry facts - his unique talent is rapid decision-making, and assuming responsibility for those decisions". I guess it's because rarely do people assume accountability for their rash decisions that when I see someone do it, I end up admiring him. 

"I liked that. No prevaricating, no excuses, just an unswerving acknowledgement of one's errors, and a promise to make amends for these autonomously."

"And to all you romantics and gullible souls, who imagine that these devious parasites possess an extraordinary astuteness to match their allegedly superior intelligence - well, I'm afraid I have to disappoint you."

All photos were taken last December 2016 when the family went to Washington DC. All quotes were lifted from the 2 books that were discussed. 

The Last Day of Summer

A few posts ago, I was just talking about how excited I was to see the grown up episode of Phineas and Ferb. Then days ago, what I saw poked my eyes to the point that I couldn't stop "sweating through my eyes". My best friend and I haven't even worn our Phineas and Ferb costumes! (I know what we're going to wear this Halloween, S!)


Dress: Mango | Belt: H&M | Sandals: Zara | Bag: Kipling | Watch: Guess | Perry the Platypus Hat: from Disneyland


SOURCE

I brought my cousin to the mall weekends ago to put a cap on her first week in the big school.

 

My best friend and I love Phineas and Ferb so much so that we have considered naming our to-be-launched shop "Baljeetles". If we won't be able to come up with a more decent, catchy name, then I'm calling dibs on "Baljeet" as early as now.

Dinner's Best

I woke up to a friend's text message saying she misses me and so she went through my blog (Hi Dacs!! You must know I'm very flattered). Then days after, I received another text from a dear friend saying the same things (Judging you with my judging eyes, Barbs hehe) Well well, what do you know. The blog is serving another purpose! Hahaha

Cover-up used as dress, inner tube and cycling shorts: from SM Department Store | Sandals: Old Navy | Yellow, white, purple bangles: Mango

I have this rule to never eat dinner outside the house looking unkempt. I'm a superficial person, I've always admitted it. I've always believed in the power of outward appearances. Definitely looks is not the be-all and and-all. It can only hold captive someone else for so long. But there's no harm in projecting how we perceive ourselves in the way we dress. Besides, of all the meals in the day, my favorite has to be dinner because that's when everyone is supposedly (although rarely) at home so the dishes served are mostly good. For this particular dinner in Palette restaurant in Green Canyon Resort (which I'll later on write about and sort under the REVIEW tag), I wore the same cover-up that I normally use when I go swimming. What? A girl with limited choices has to make do with what she has, right?


I've worked for my Dad for some months before I got the job that I have now and there's something I've noticed about certain people. I think that we all play a part in where our lives go. We can't continue blaming others for our demise. Perhaps the first time something bad happened to us, we can blame it on the lack of response from the government. In the second time, we can still blame it on the shortcomings of the company where we're working. But in the third time and so forth, the blame is fully ours. We can't continue passing the blame to someone else when it involves our lives. It frustrates me when I think about how easy it is for others to be absent for days without so much as a valid explanation. How is earning a few thousand this week enough to compensate for the succeeding week's absence? Especially when the boss arrives at work earlier than the guard does and leaves later in the afternoon the latest. Or when the boss himself volunteers to do field work to show his subordinates how it's done. Sometimes we are all to blame for what's happening in our lives. When the rich gets even richer, it can be because the rich knows how to protect his money by working so hard. Of course I'm not generalizing, and I'm not even in the position to do so since I haven't experienced the difficulty majority does. But with the few times I've witnessed firsthand the difference between the work attitude of those who have and those who do not have, I can't do anything but shake my head in frustration.


The real world is scary yet exciting. Just the thought that my future is now in my hands, with help from my parents (massive help, to be precise), terrifies and motivates me at the same time. I've always dreamed of holding a significant position in a big company but to realize that dream, I've to go through all the baby steps. I guess it's a sign of maturity when someone starts accepting that she's not the most special person out there. That although she exerts the utmost of her efforts, she still can't get what she wants. It's sad just thinking that all the cheers people bestowed upon us while growing up, including the occasional you're-the-best-among-them commentaries from people who matter, are now just mere cushions for the impending failure we all must deal with. Failure is a necessary block in every journey, I guess. What childhood, High School, and college lives prepared us for beyond the Maths and the Sciences is that, in times where we face a major hindrance, we have good memories to turn to. Or that at one point, we successfully made it. So who's to say that we can't find another way out of our predicament?

Perils of Becoming a Genius

It's easy to call anyone who does an extraordinary act a Genius. I do it all the time and in the process blur the line that separates real genius from average-thinking people like myself. I like listening to intelligent people talk about solutions or mere concepts that propel the progress in our civilization. To me, visionaries are considered genius regardless of their IQ level. However there are organizations, particularly the Mensa, which standardize the tool used in singling out genius from the rest.  I think it's just fair that the top 2% of the population belong in an elite club where they can enjoy privileges worthy of their brilliance. They deserve it. I applaud all kinds of genius because their minds are the modern weapon, so to speak.


Top: H&M | Skirt, belt: from Tutuban Mall in Divisoria | Shoes: CMG | Bag: Fossil | Necklace: Pull & Bear | Bangle: from Platinum Mall in Thailand

These photos were taken last 8 March, serving as my Dad's second birthday celebration with my cousins here. Everyone was feeling lazy then, not even wanting to go out so we opted for a nearby restaurant where we can come in our pambahay and have no one frown upon our get-up (I can't let go of my heels though). Bonus points for the karaoke inside the room. I love singing! We ate in Seafood Paluto in Daang-Hari, a 15-20-minute drive from Alabang. The first celebration is HERE.



It's just fitting that when I talk of genius, I actually think of the author of my favorite book - Oscar Wilde. When someone is capable of shutting up his detractor not by force but by words, and make the latter realize the extent of his stupidity and subsequently become the cause of his eternal embarrassment, then he is my Mr. Miyagi (I'm a huge fan of the Ralph Macchio - Pat Morita's Karate Kid).  Anyway. When we read novels that speak to us beyond the themes present in them, we wish that the author lived in our times just so we can hit him with a Hi-Hello-you're-a-genius-can-we-be-friends note. Certainly an email will suffice (at least for Jodi Picoult who patiently responds to my fanmails). I haven't read from a more illustrious author who can romanticize insults and make the recipient look forward to it. By anyone's standards, Wilde is a literary genius.




Another genius I look up to is Stephen Hawking. I first knew of him when I saw him in an episode of The Simpsons where he told Lisa that "sometimes even the most intelligent are fallible". Of course then it wasn't his wisdom that made me remember him but his wheelchair attached to the computer that aided his speech. For a 12 year old girl, his physical appearance was greatly alarming and fascinating at the same time. It was only years later (I think I was 19 then), when I picked up a copy of his A Brief of History of Time that I was astounded by him for the right reasons. To be fair, I did not understand almost anything in the book despite his attempt to dumb down the explanations. I got a few things though such as, he does not believe that the biblical God is responsible for the universe. What can I do, my mind is more inclined to understand the controversial over the scientific that composed the bulk of the book. Anyway. Since then, I tried to learn as much about him as possible. I saw Benedict Cumberbatch' Hawking (which was terrific!) and later on, I watched Eddie Redmayne's The Theory of Everything (which was even more terrific). I haven't read the novel from which it was based but the movie was good enough to complement what I already know of him. I'm a fan! Wow. Of all the things he stands for, I guess the best piece of wisdom he shares is his warning to everyone about developing a machine that is more advanced than the human counterpart. He's among the most prominent beneficiaries of Artificial Intelligence yet he's also among the most prominent who warns against its danger.




But there are dangers associated to big minds. Perhaps Sherlock Holmes and Sheldon Cooper, although both are only fictional characters, embody the concept that when someone has too much of a thing, he also has something that is lacking. Most often, a high IQ begets a low EQ. The idea of "putting one's self into another's shoe" that we learn when we are young is not something that is present in a genius. And then there's hubris. It comes with the territory, I guess. When someone knows that he is superior, it is expected that he thinks he's incapable of being wrong. There are other perils in being a genius but I'm most particular about the Genius' difficulty in forging relationships the way others his age can. What prompted me to talk about this topic is knowing that someone I care for deeply is due to take tests that will determine if she's a genius or someone with a different condition. Ever since she was born, she has been different. She's only 5 years old yet her command of Math, reading, and Science are advanced. She's so good in academics yet she has problems in relating to anyone. A few days ago, her doctors advised her parents to have her checked because her brain movements are much advanced compared to her peers. People like her need more attention than say, people like me whose difference from others is only rooted on shallow views. And people like her will demand special attention for the rest of their lives.



The final verdict? For someone who wishes to leave an imprint on the world when it's my time to leave, it's easy to wish for a brain that's more than capable. Those with genius-level capabilities tend to make impact on the world more than the rest. But when I get right down to it, they suffer from a difficulty that the rest do not even know of. It's difficult to say which group has the better in life. But personally, I'm somehow contented with the limited thinking that I possess because in a world where relating to someone else is very important for survival, an equal level of IQ and EQ is most effective. Or maybe it's just the Marketing graduate in me whose training is all about connecting people.

Start Them Young

Our baby girl Rayne graduated from pre-school last 21 March 2015 as the Valedictorian of her class. It's a feat that merited gifts, celebrations with her family from both her parents' sides, and immeasurable pride in everyone who loves her, myself included.

Polo top used as dress: Zara Man | Cardigan, socks: H&M | Leather gloves: Temple Street Night Market in HK | Shoes: Adidas

Considering that she's the youngest in their class, she looks like everyone's older sister right? This must be how I look like when I'm with my friends, only I'm everyone's younger sister. Oh well. I wasn't able to take a decent photo of what I wore to her graduation but since this blog is about me-thoughts, me-outfits, me-reactions, I had to post accompanying photos that show what I wore from head to toe. You know, just to satisfy the pretend fashion aficionado in me. The rest of the photos were taken on her graduation day.

Rayne with her classmates

"There was something that he lacked: discretion, aloofness, a sort of saving stupidity."

Over the last months, I finished reading two novels which immediately rose to my 5 Favorite Novels Of All Time. (I really have nothing to share so I'll babble about books today) George Orwell's 1984 introduced the concept of doublethink. To simply put, it's how intellectuals have to be selectively stupid. See, when one lives in a superstate like Oceania with an omnipresent leader such as Big Brother who dictates the expected conduct of everyone, free-thinking is not only frowned upon but more so, greatly prohibited. So even if one knows that Big Brother is just a concept and the history is simply a constantly rewritten novel by members of Minitrue, he has to convince himself that whatever the Inner Party says is true is the truth. 1984 is a brilliant novel that ticks off everything that I look for in a novel. I love words and how they bring to life abstract ideas. This novel didn't only display a new way of putting words beside each other to paint a different term but it also created an entirely different dictionary known to the Party as Newspeak.

The greatest act of rebellion begins with an idea. But as others said, chaos resulted from well-meaning ideas. Stephen Hawking benefits from the advancements of technology but he's never short on warning us about the precautions of having a machine that's capable of being smarter than our race. He warns us to be wary of all the devices that Science is developing under the guise of innovation. Once technology can read what's inside our mind, freedom will cease to exist. Perhaps the government, or a powerful country's government for that matter, can then monitor every one's thoughts under the pursuit of the common good. Who's to say then that 1984's Thought Police are far from reality?

"And that's what's frightening the life out of me. To have no idea."
The stories of Sherlock Holmes were so good that I found other detective stories falling short in comparison. Until I've read Agatha Christie's And Then There Were None. I've long been impressed when a book references another literary material so from the very first page of this novel, I was already devoted to finishing it. At the very heart of this, I'd like to believe that this is about a test of one's morality. Was Judge Wargrave's crime justified when all his victims were all criminals, who continued to freely roam around just because the law cannot reach to them, as well? As with all other morality tests, it can only be answered by those who are subjected to the case. Every one else either becomes a passive spectator or self-righteous commenters.



Philip Lombard is my favorite character not only among the 10 "Indian boys" in the story but among all the books I've read. He readily admitted to his crime instead of denying the accusation like the rest did. Secondly, he's very intuitive and logical. His high sense of survival would have brought him out of Soldier Island alive but alas, the panic in the survivors bested him out. It's a shame how the only character who somehow saw the tell-tale signs, which were brilliant by the way (the poster in each room, the figurines on the table, and the glimpse in each of the characters' thoughts), had to die eventually. Of course his moral fibres were also tested. But he's decisive so he knew that if he would choose to stay with the natives, they will all die. To cut the story short, he knowingly left the natives to die and chose to save himself. Was it wrong to choose one instead of none? Again, it's not for us to high-handedly decide on.



I can go on in articulating a few more of the themes in these novels but I'll save them up for future posts when I'll find myself at a loss for insightful thoughts once more (which is pretty often). To close, allow me to say a few words about my cousin's celebration. Since there were around 15 of us that day, her parents decided to have it in Yakimix in Alabang Town Center. I think it's just right that kids are pressured to excel right from the beginning to gauge whether he can do it or if he excels in another area. I grew up with a very lax attitude towards education and by anyone's standards, I've among the poorest study habits. A classmate never even had to dare me to not submit homeworks because chances are, I didn't even have plans of doing anything at all. But as expected, my grades heavily suffered from my attitude - well at least, in my parents' standards and mine. So I say to everyone else, a certain amount of push is necessary. If one wants success, then start young.

La Bête et Sa Rose

Look there she goes that girl is so peculiar
I wonder if she's feeling well
With a dreamy, far-off look
And her nose stuck in a book
What a puzzle to the rest of us is Belle
- Belle

What's with French boys and their roses? I just realized that a pretty rose was central in both the Little Prince's and the Beast's stories. Sorry, even this tiny detail amazes me! So there, I used 'The Beast and His Rose' for my title.


Top: Zara | Brooch: H&M | Skirt: Collab MNL (loved it too much, Ver!) | Shoes: Michael Antonio | Watch: Anne Klein

I wasn't supposed to watch Beauty and the Beast because I was trying to save my parents from spending some more on me this month (I watched it on the 31st January. The post before this happened on the same day) after covering all the expenses brought in by my birthday celebrations and because my musical buddy is currently in Australia with my cousins (Hello Lala!). But then at the last minute, the thought of not seeing this production in person saddened me. So I made the abrupt decision to pester my Mom into buying me a seat, even if I'd have to watch alone. Thankfully I have a very cool, very supportive, very reasonable, very open-minded, very kind, very beautiful Mom. More than buying me a ticket of my desired seat, she willingly accompanied me as well. (Hahahahaha you are super, Mommy!)

As my life has been altered once
It can change again
Build higher walls around me
Change every lock and key
Nothing lasts, nothing holds
All of me
- Home




Don't believe me? Ask the dishes
They can sing, they can dance
After all, Miss, this is France
And a dinner here is never second best
Go on, unfold your menu
Take a glance and then you'll
Be our guest
Oui, our guest
Be our guest!
- Be Our Guest

Disney musical productions are more difficult to pull off because there's already a material to be compared to. Disney has always set the bar so high that imitation is highly undesirable. So who else can top off a Disney movie? Why, Disney of course! Have I mentioned that in all the interviews I've been to, both in school and possible work, I've always given Disney as my dream corporation to work for? I digress. I can't help singing along all the familiar songs because surely, anyone who's watched the Beauty and the Beast film would know parts, if not the entirety, of the songs. Even the dialogues were too familiar that I can spout them off. ("If it's not baroque, don't fix it") These were clear attempts to show how faithful to the movie the musical production is. As for the costumes, they were terrific! I'm particularly happy with Madame de la Grande Bouche's dress (Yes, the Wardrobe has been finally given a name in this version). All in all, I believe the production is a perfect showcase of what Disney has always stood for: an overall overwhelming experience that doesn't sacrifice any aspect of a good story.



It's not because I'm vain (although really, how can anyone who has a blog all about herself not be vain right?) that of all the characters in the musical, my favorite is Adam Dietlein's Gaston. He's just so funny and unapologetically obsessed with himself that I can't help but believe he is indeed God's gift to women. He's a narcissist down to his core. I'm all about seeing a character respond to a catalyst that will change the way he looks at certain things but sometimes, a character is already so perfect that he doesn't need changes anymore. He's already in his optimum. Such is the case for Gaston. I deliberately didn't include lyrics from any of his songs because choosing only a few lines wouldn't do justice to his greatness. When he starts wooing Belle through his perfectly titled song "Me" which goes along the lines of "we shall be a perfect pair rather like my thighs", I can't figure why a sensible ambitious girl like Belle would turn down a he-man such as Gaston when she knows that "no one's slick as Gaston, no one's quick as Gaston, no one's neck's as incredibly thick as Gaston's". Gosh Belle, you're made of steel to not positively respond to the sweetest proposal I've ever heard. "On occasion, women can have their uses too; mainly to extend the family tree. Pumpkin, extend with me!" If his "Me" song wasn't enough to unfasten your resolve, how could you have still said No after hearing Gaston and the townspeople's uplifting "Gaston"? A he-man "built 6 foot 4" with special talents like expectorating (an inspiring talent if I must say so) who has two songs all dedicated to himself wants you for his wife. Okay fine, maybe he has faults too (very minimal though!) but even if "he plans to persecute harmless crackpots" (like, say, Belle's father himself) and admits to taking "cheap shots", isn't it enough that he has "biceps to spare"? Hahahhahahahaaha. Kidding aside, Gaston in the musical is just as villainous as in the movie's. Only, he's the type of villain whose stupidity and narcissism are endearing. Bad actions should not be rewarded, I know, but points for consistency I guess?


Can you just imagine how much more perfect Gaston would have been to me had I seen Hugh Jackman's performance? I would willingly pay for another ticket just to see Gaston again.
from For the Love of Broadway Musicals

Long ago I should have seen
All the things I could have been
Careless and unthinking, I moved onward 
- If I Can't Love Her



Beast: I never knew books could do that
Belle: Do what?
Beast: Take me away from this place
Make me forget for a little while
- Something There

I intentionally wore blue and white since they're the colors in Belle's town dress. The brooch was more symbolic rather than an ornamental piece as well. To represent the Beast's rose, I wore the only flower brooch I have. Probably the only article I donned that was inconsistent of Belle's outfit was my pair of shoes. I should've worn black but hey it didn't look as complementary to my outfit as my blue ones. Oh no, I'm not a mental dresser who always injects symbolisms in what she's wearing. I'm just desperately salvaging my image after admitting to liking Gaston. Haha! Anyway, I'm so jealous of the kids who were seated near us. Some were wearing fur capes like what Belle was wearing! I wish I have the same guts to wear mine as well in public. (There goes the usual shallow babble).

When I'm human again
Only human again
When the world once more make sense
I'll unwind for a change
- Human Again




Barely even friends
Then somebody bends
Unexpectedly
Just a little change
Small to say the least
Both a little scared
Neither one prepared
Beauty and the Beast
- Beauty and the Beast