"How Foolish I was Ever To Have Thought of Them as Intellectual Giants"

"I'll admit I'm like him in a number of ways, but humility and self-effacement are not among them. I've learned how little they get a person in this world."

Truthfully, I haven't had the energy nor the drive to finish books after books these past months. Maybe I'm uninspired or I just happen to be in a reading rut. I still continuously buy plenty of books in the hopes that seeing what my money was exchanged for would motivate me to make every cent spent on them worth it but unfortunately, I've subconsciously piled them up in our mini-library of sorts and decided that their worth would be as decorations. Ughh I know, lame. So today, I would just talk about the last 5-star book I've read, which was all the way back to December 2017. Today's topic would be about Keyes' Flowers for Algernon.

Top and shoes: Zara | Skirt: Topshop | Belt: Rajo Laurel | Bag: Saint Laurent Downtown Cabas | Earrings: Mango

These photos were taken last 25 Feb 2018. My officemate's daughter celebrated her 7th birthday and you know about kids these days, they have better and more well-thought parties compared to when it was during my time in the mid-1990s. Now, all ideas are possible if only one can think about it. My officemate asked my help in planning the party since she knows that I LOVEEE planning events. I readily agreed to going here and there and being on call, with services for free so long as my ideas would be translated to reality. In short, I agreed provided that no budget would be spared. The party was arranged down to the last detail. We even had taste-test of the food that will be served (officemate and I did this during one lunch break). Even the birthday celebrant's outfit to be worn was given enough thought. It was designed by my officemate and I's favorite Filipino designer, Rajo Laurel. To add the "unicorn" vibe since it's the requested theme of the party, we bought Cassie (the birthday celebrant) faux fur from Zara. What? I love faux fur, remember? I would love it if everyone  would get to wear one even if it isn't for winter hahahahaha As for the actual venue, it was so nicely-done. There was an area for nail art, and there were kiosks of Potato Corner, Tater's, and Pinkberry yogurt. But oh well, I've not much photos to share because I was just too impressed by how a month of planning it all turned out to be SO SO SO FUN AND NICE that most of my documentation of it were in video format and not photos.

"There are a lot of people who will give money or materials, but very few who will give time and affection."

Back to the book. The book is an amalgamation of different novels, each chapter with a different lesson to impart. Much as I'd like to pinpoint a single scene that could best illustrate this book's wonder, I can't. Because it's more like a loaded machine gun that keeps firing one poignant theme after another. It opens a lot of discussions on the ethics behind experimenting on live subjects, how society views and treats those whom it deems not normal, and how mankind mistreats those who are mentally handicapped.

 It's about 32-yr old Charlie Gordon who was born with an IQ of only 68. He grew up estranged from his family and was simultaneously working in a bakery by day and a student in a special school by night. His desperate wish was to be smart because he strongly believed that he will be happy if he's smart and not dumb, as he accepted himself to be. "If your smart you can have lots of frends to talk to and you never get lonley by yourself all the time." Among the strongest points of the novel was having a 1st-person perspective of the thought-process of Charlie, as his thoughts were documented in his diary. It's refreshing and such an emotionally-invoking way to narrate a story.

“There are so many doors to open. I am impatient to begin."

Charlie Gordon had been selected by the professor-scientists from Beekman University to be the first human to be tested on a procedure that has only been tried on lab rats. A white mouse called Algernon underwent a surgery that would increase his IQ. Of all the rats who were similarly experimented on, Algernon showed the highest resiliency on the procedure. He had stayed smart the longest out of all the test subjects. Still boosted by the success of the experiment, the doctors, headed by Prof Nemur, performed the same surgery on Charlie. His desire to be smart had been so endearing and so well-founded and so strong that although he was not the first human-subject choice in the program, he had ultimately been selected. The experiment proved to be a success. Charlie's IQ of 68 rose to 185; from a retardate to a genius.

 “I don’t know what’s worse: to not know what you are and be happy, or to become what you’ve always wanted to be, and feel alone.”

But what he so longed to have proved to not bring the happiness he thought he would have once he's smart. Slowly, he started comprehending things that he had greatly mistaken for something else before. Now that he's a genius, he realized that his "frends" at the bakery were not laughing with him but that they make fun of him and laugh at him all the time. Eventually, Charlie understood that his own mother sent him away because she was resentful and ashamed of his retardation. He thought that he could finally be with the woman whom he has always had a crush on now that he's smart. But then again, he soon realized that he was just as out-of-reach from the girl of his dreams when he was dumb just as he was smart. And finally, he has come to realize that the scientists who performed the surgery on him were not the "gods and heroes" he once thought of them to be. 

"They would always find excuses to slip away, afraid to reveal the narrowness of their knowledge. How different they seem to be now. And how foolish I was ever to have thought that professors were intellectual giants. They're people - and afraid the rest of the world will find out."

He soon realized that the Intellectual Giants he greatly revered before were also not sure of the long-term outcome of the surgery. Soon, Charlie's genius-level IQ separated him from others in the same way that his low IQ used to. Worse, now he knows what it's like to have knowledge of everything and see those whom he thought were better than him, suddenly appear clearly as normal persons who are just trying their best without knowing as much as he does. In the end he found out that Algernon, the only thing existing who knew exactly what he was undergoing through, was slowly mentally regressing. It has become a race against time as Charlie tried to solve the problem that caused the mental regression. He eventually wrote the study on both his and Algernon's mental states, with the study being his swan song before he finally returned to his original state.



"You know things. You see things. But you haven't developed understanding, or -I have to use the word- tolerance."

To summarize what Flowers for Algernon was about, it's a book  about humanity - its complexities, biases, surprises, and its innate cruelty masked sometimes by unfairness. The novel reveals the glaring truth that truly, there is both goodness and depravity in mankind.

I love one of the questions it posited - would it better to not know but be happy or to know but eventually lose it again? I have always preferred preservation rather than finding the solution to the already-present problem. I'd rather have calculated risks with small gains rather than great leaps of faith with uncertain outcome. Yes, it's true, I'm a very boring twenty-something girl. But in my defense, it's not an easy feat to go back to the way it was when you already know for a fact that it could be better.

 Read the novel. It comes highly recommended. 

"But I've learned that intelligence alone doesn't mean a damned thing. Here in your university, intelligence, education, knowledge have all become great idols. But I know now there's one thing you've all overlooked: intelligence and education that hasn't been tempered by human affection isn't worth a damn." 

"It doesn't happen all at once. You become. It takes a long time."

"...That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand.”

I had a pre-birthday celebration last 5 January 2017 in Olive Garden in Virginia which was sponsored by my very generous Tito (who had no choice as I made a declaration that I’ll treat everybody only to a salad party). I love steak and it’s thanks to him that I got to enjoy a plate of medium-rare steak with  lobster ravioli on top of the salad hehehe

Coat: Atmosphere | Fleece turtleneck: Uniqlo | Pants and necklace: Zara | Wallet used as bag: Kenneth Cole Reaction | Pumps: Christian Louboutin Victorina Flame

I’ve turned another year older, and I’ve now entered the onset of mid-twenties so I guess somehow, without meaning to, things have changed. I’m still selfish, but only around 77% compared the staggering 100% of High Schooler me. I’m still impulsive but I already know the difference between what I’ll need for only 3 months as opposed to what can benefit me in a longer period. I still hold grudges but I’m mostly indifferent now. I still shop but no longer uncontrollably. These days, I set limit and actually follow through. I still get stressed in work but no longer too stressed that I let it stay in my mind for days. I’m still generally immature but at least now I know that there’s no point in trying to find logic in a mistake I’ve done. Then again, there’s still the part of me, a big chunk, that greatly embraces happiness brought by material objects (like say, the pumps I’m wearing in this set) hehehehe

Perhaps it's the Ego that predominantly does the talking these days that's why anything that I do work-wise, I can't rest without having my superior acknowledge that I've done something good. It's instant validation that I'm seeking for - a concept that's been the topic of discussion between my good friend and I. Charge it to us being young ambitious girls who are on the cusp of becoming adults, that the only sign of success we accept is constant validation from our respective bosses. They say we should find validation from within ourselves but at the stage where I'm currently at, to hell with those overbearing individualistic supposedly present voices from within. I need to hear that I'm good at what I'm doing from the person who knows the standard of good in the industry, and that's not me. Hahahaha. I only have a few more years to be understandably insecure, lost, shallow, and unfailingly pessimistic so until I can somehow say I'm stable, please by hook or by crook, let me be.

There's this side of me that says I should stop worrying about the future, that I should just do what I'm already doing for an indefinite period, that there's no hurry since I have the rest of my life to figure out what it is that I would want to do. Then again, there's an even bigger part that says I've to hustle because no one else would bear my cross for me. If I let someone else stir the wheel for me, I might end up blaming that someone if I don't reach the destination that I foresee for myself.

I think it was sometime in the last quarter of 2016 when I chanced upon this short story about the Velveteen Rabbit. Lately, I've passed on my novels in favor of short stories that hold symbolism and metaphors that can rival those of what a novel tried to tell in its thousands of pages. Asimov's The Last Question is still on top of the most thought-provoking short story I've read but Margery Williams' The Velveteen Rabbit is a close runner up. (Yeah yeah, I know. Technically it's not a short story but anything that can be finished in around 20 or less minutes is considered a short story to me). It's about a toy rabbit that wants to become real. The story somehow reminded me of Toy Story and The Little Prince. Oh well. Too much existential dilemma does no one any good. So until the next post.

Here's to a fun 2017!

High School Forever

Oh would you look at that! It seems that I owe myself a couple of posts since I have pretty much been quiet here since 2016 began. Let me post two successive entries (the first is this and the next one will be in a couple of days!)

I figured, I've left the blog untouched since my last birthday post so why not continue with another birthday post! These photos were taken last 16 January when I held an overnight celebration with some of my favorites from High School.

6 years after graduating from High School and everyone's still as indecisive, impulsive, ignorant, shallow, and boisterous as when we left the halls of our beloved High School Alma Mater.

Once I was Twenty Years Old, My Story Got Told

Oh my goodness, time! I know I have so little regard of you but must you really fly before my eyes so quickly? I'm still reeling in from my birthday celebrations last January and here we are, almost at the open of May. Give me some leeway here; everyone knows how self-centered and self-serving my January posts have always been owing to it being my birthmonth Hahahaha

Dress: Topshop | Bag: Michael Kors | Watch: Tag Heuer | Shoes: Zara| Laurel headband: from China Town in Malaysia

I celebrated my birthday with my family, friends, and officemates separately. I'll begin with posting my celebration with my family. Since I was, yet again, the center of the night at that time, I got to choose where I wanted to eat. For my special day, we ate at Cafe Ilang Ilang in Manila Hotel.

Once I was seven years old
My Mommy told me that if I do my best and study hard, I would succeed in life. Back then, to succeed in life meant to get a new Barbie or Polly Pocket or another Sylvanian. That's why I studied hard, ate the vegetables on my plate, and obeyed everything that my parents asked of me. 

Once I was eleven years old
I think it was around that time when my Mommy had to explain to me how there are people who would always fare better than I do just as there will be a select few whom I'll end up besting out. It's not that I failed to give my best. It's just that, their best is better than my best. Then again, I didn't fully understand it. Because when you live in a world where everyone around you, from the Grandmothers to our beloved angels (most notably my beloved Ate Lea whom all of my friends from grade school until college know of), tells you that you are the best, you somehow end up believing in them. 

Once I was twenty years old
As far as I remember, the only time I dedicated my focus on studying was when I was in Nursery and in 1st grade. That's it. I never experienced the hardships of studying in college because I'm probably among the laziest and "chill" student there ever was. College life has been very kind to me. Even my thesis let me have a good time save for that 1 week of writing and revising. So now's really the first time I exerted this much effort. Perhaps the reason I'm having a difficult time coping with my demanding day job, attention-seeking side jobs, and equally time-consuming personal activities is the fact that I've never been prepared for this kind of burden. I'm too young to be burned out and I'm definitely not complaining about all the things that are genuinely keeping me busy for months now. It's just that, my 2016 is proving to be a good yet taxing year. It's making me think back to those times when I'm supposed to have learned how to budget my time and work on as many things in my life simultaneously as I possibly could. It's too late for regrets though. All in all, I still consider myself lucky for what the universe is throwing at my way. Never mind the thousands of regrets that I have, I am yet to redeem myself in the future.

I do not fear the future in general especially since I have high hopes for a good one. But I greatly fear having life pass me by. I fear passing on from opportunities just because I didn't have the guts to leave my comfort zone. I fear entering the late part of my life knowing that I do not have any fruits to reap. I'm most afraid of retiring without having anything to secure the 'things that I'm trying to build now'. I've never been the type who has written her Life Plan but I've always been the girl who, like so many others, wants to leave a mark. 

Sometimes there are songs so nicely written that they seem like they're a piece of poetry. My friend and I have been singing this song plenty of times just to remind us why we can't stop.

Title's from Lukas Graham's 7 Years

Perils of Becoming a Genius

It's easy to call anyone who does an extraordinary act a Genius. I do it all the time and in the process blur the line that separates real genius from average-thinking people like myself. I like listening to intelligent people talk about solutions or mere concepts that propel the progress in our civilization. To me, visionaries are considered genius regardless of their IQ level. However there are organizations, particularly the Mensa, which standardize the tool used in singling out genius from the rest.  I think it's just fair that the top 2% of the population belong in an elite club where they can enjoy privileges worthy of their brilliance. They deserve it. I applaud all kinds of genius because their minds are the modern weapon, so to speak.


Top: H&M | Skirt, belt: from Tutuban Mall in Divisoria | Shoes: CMG | Bag: Fossil | Necklace: Pull & Bear | Bangle: from Platinum Mall in Thailand

These photos were taken last 8 March, serving as my Dad's second birthday celebration with my cousins here. Everyone was feeling lazy then, not even wanting to go out so we opted for a nearby restaurant where we can come in our pambahay and have no one frown upon our get-up (I can't let go of my heels though). Bonus points for the karaoke inside the room. I love singing! We ate in Seafood Paluto in Daang-Hari, a 15-20-minute drive from Alabang. The first celebration is HERE.



It's just fitting that when I talk of genius, I actually think of the author of my favorite book - Oscar Wilde. When someone is capable of shutting up his detractor not by force but by words, and make the latter realize the extent of his stupidity and subsequently become the cause of his eternal embarrassment, then he is my Mr. Miyagi (I'm a huge fan of the Ralph Macchio - Pat Morita's Karate Kid).  Anyway. When we read novels that speak to us beyond the themes present in them, we wish that the author lived in our times just so we can hit him with a Hi-Hello-you're-a-genius-can-we-be-friends note. Certainly an email will suffice (at least for Jodi Picoult who patiently responds to my fanmails). I haven't read from a more illustrious author who can romanticize insults and make the recipient look forward to it. By anyone's standards, Wilde is a literary genius.




Another genius I look up to is Stephen Hawking. I first knew of him when I saw him in an episode of The Simpsons where he told Lisa that "sometimes even the most intelligent are fallible". Of course then it wasn't his wisdom that made me remember him but his wheelchair attached to the computer that aided his speech. For a 12 year old girl, his physical appearance was greatly alarming and fascinating at the same time. It was only years later (I think I was 19 then), when I picked up a copy of his A Brief of History of Time that I was astounded by him for the right reasons. To be fair, I did not understand almost anything in the book despite his attempt to dumb down the explanations. I got a few things though such as, he does not believe that the biblical God is responsible for the universe. What can I do, my mind is more inclined to understand the controversial over the scientific that composed the bulk of the book. Anyway. Since then, I tried to learn as much about him as possible. I saw Benedict Cumberbatch' Hawking (which was terrific!) and later on, I watched Eddie Redmayne's The Theory of Everything (which was even more terrific). I haven't read the novel from which it was based but the movie was good enough to complement what I already know of him. I'm a fan! Wow. Of all the things he stands for, I guess the best piece of wisdom he shares is his warning to everyone about developing a machine that is more advanced than the human counterpart. He's among the most prominent beneficiaries of Artificial Intelligence yet he's also among the most prominent who warns against its danger.




But there are dangers associated to big minds. Perhaps Sherlock Holmes and Sheldon Cooper, although both are only fictional characters, embody the concept that when someone has too much of a thing, he also has something that is lacking. Most often, a high IQ begets a low EQ. The idea of "putting one's self into another's shoe" that we learn when we are young is not something that is present in a genius. And then there's hubris. It comes with the territory, I guess. When someone knows that he is superior, it is expected that he thinks he's incapable of being wrong. There are other perils in being a genius but I'm most particular about the Genius' difficulty in forging relationships the way others his age can. What prompted me to talk about this topic is knowing that someone I care for deeply is due to take tests that will determine if she's a genius or someone with a different condition. Ever since she was born, she has been different. She's only 5 years old yet her command of Math, reading, and Science are advanced. She's so good in academics yet she has problems in relating to anyone. A few days ago, her doctors advised her parents to have her checked because her brain movements are much advanced compared to her peers. People like her need more attention than say, people like me whose difference from others is only rooted on shallow views. And people like her will demand special attention for the rest of their lives.



The final verdict? For someone who wishes to leave an imprint on the world when it's my time to leave, it's easy to wish for a brain that's more than capable. Those with genius-level capabilities tend to make impact on the world more than the rest. But when I get right down to it, they suffer from a difficulty that the rest do not even know of. It's difficult to say which group has the better in life. But personally, I'm somehow contented with the limited thinking that I possess because in a world where relating to someone else is very important for survival, an equal level of IQ and EQ is most effective. Or maybe it's just the Marketing graduate in me whose training is all about connecting people.