You're No Longer the Ingenue

 Wow it's almost the end of the year and I'm only on my 1st post for this year. I've been remiss, as usual, haven't I? Oh well, I guess I just really have to include updating this blog at least once every 2 months in my New Year Resolutions (I hope I can actually follow through though).

Turtleneck Heattech used as top: Uniqlo | Leatherette pants: Zara | Fur vest: Miss Selfridge | Boots: Ross department store | Bag: Goyard St. Louis

 

This year has been quite challenging. It started slow and uncertain, just like how the rest of my 2020/2021 had been. I didn't know if I could make any plans or commit to an activity, like say, enroll in French classes again because it will be very useful for my 2023 plans (fingers crossed that it'll push through given that I've delayed it more than enough already). And then some time after the 1st quarter, things started picking up, along with my immediate desire for a new environment, that I agreed to big changes to happen to me left and right. Ever the girl whose choices in life have been mostly passive albeit mixed with a couple of manipulative efforts in-between, I was thrown out of my usual elements that by the last couple of months of the year, I ended up having too much on my plate. 

And you know what happens when I don't know how to handle things anymore? Some things end up being sacrificed and the unfortunate part is, I don't get to choose which. Sure, I learn, at the end of it all. And I get to salvage whatever's left from the whirlwind that it had been, but I still lost something dear. An irreversible damage that I have to live with permanently. Oh well indeed.

These were taken last 31 Dec 2019 in Shanghai, China during my family's Holiday trip.  Yearly, my family (which includes the family of my 2 cousins and my Grandmothers) goes on 2 big trips: one during summer and another for the Holiday season. Non-airplane-requiring trips do not count, in my book at least. Because of the pandemic, this trip had been the last one that we've taken as a family, and with complete members. My paternal grandmother, the only person I listen to and seek advice from next to my parents, passed away in Sept 2022, 9 months after she was energetically climbing the Great Wall of China. Curse you, pandemic, you've taken too much from me. 

Dress: Gu | Shoes: Vans | Bag: Prada nylon 

This photo was taken last 29 Aug 2022 at Namsan Tower, Seoul, South Korea. It was the 2nd trip that I've gone on with only my Mom as my travel companion (the 1st one being the month prior this, and still in South Korea) and it was very memorable. I had a very specific purpose for traveling to South Korea successively, and I'll probably talk about it in my next posts, that the possibility of traveling alone didn't bother me. I was even prepared to do it. But of course to my parents who still don't see me as a fully independent adult, the idea of me traveling alone was not a possibility thus my ever supportive Mom ended up accompanying me to both my Jul and Aug SK adventures. 

The title that I used for this post is from Tick Tick Boom!'s 30/90. I've watched the Andrew Garfield-starring film more than 10x already and I still can't get enough of it. Perhaps it's because it was the only "new" musical that I've seen recently owing to the lockdowns and travel bans (but not anymore because my SK trips were because I wanted to watch A Song of Meissa musical repeatedly but again, I digress) that the songs and the story were just so refreshing to me. Or perhaps it's because it felt like the movie was the perfect representation of my life at that time. Too much dreams with equally daunting walls of reality, yup, story of my life. Ughh but not today, since I'm too lazy to wax poetic about my never-ending woes of 'what will I do with my life'. 

 I've always been the bringer of Christmas spirit in my family because Christmas is my favorite holiday of the year and when I'm excited, I make sure that everyone should also be but this year, I didn't have as much excitement as I typically do (haven't recovered it, to be precise, after my beloved Grandmother's passing). Just the same, it wouldn't be me if there were no celebrations at all. We had a simple one at home with my cousins, along with 50 others and a catered lunch because there's no room to dwell on one's issues when there are too many others to entertain HAHA, but I hope I'll retrieve my festive self soon. My 5 Christmas films/day should help, I suppose. Let's see!

Happy holidays, everyone!! Here's me in the happiest place on Earth taken last 1 Jan 2020.

This post really doesn't have an outline of what I want to say thus the change-of-topic midway through the paragraphs but I suppose it's still an acceptable update nonetheless. Will try to post a more cohesive one after this :)