30 April 2016

Once I was Twenty Years Old, My Story Got Told

Oh my goodness, time! I know I have so little regard of you but must you really fly before my eyes so quickly? I'm still reeling in from my birthday celebrations last January and here we are, almost at the open of May. Give me some leeway here; everyone knows how self-centered and self-serving my January posts have always been owing to it being my birthmonth Hahahaha

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Dress: Topshop | Bag: Michael Kors | Watch: Tag Heuer | Shoes: Zara| Laurel headband: from China Town in Malaysia

I celebrated my birthday with my family, friends, and officemates separately. I'll begin with posting my celebration with my family. Since I was, yet again, the center of the night at that time, I got to choose where I wanted to eat. For my special day, we ate at Cafe Ilang Ilang in Manila Hotel.

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Once I was seven years old
My Mommy told me that if I do my best and study hard, I would succeed in life. Back then, to succeed in life meant to get a new Barbie or Polly Pocket or another Sylvanian. That's why I studied hard, ate the vegetables on my plate, and obeyed everything that my parents asked of me. 

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Once I was eleven years old
I think it was around that time when my Mommy had to explain to me how there are people who would always fare better than I do just as there will be a select few whom I'll end up besting out. It's not that I failed to give my best. It's just that, their best is better than my best. Then again, I didn't fully understand it. Because when you live in a world where everyone around you, from the Grandmothers to our beloved angels (most notably my beloved Ate Lea whom all of my friends from grade school until college know of), tells you that you are the best, you somehow end up believing in them. 

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Once I was twenty years old
As far as I remember, the only time I dedicated my focus on studying was when I was in Nursery and in 1st grade. That's it. I never experienced the hardships of studying in college because I'm probably among the laziest and "chill" student there ever was. College life has been very kind to me. Even my thesis let me have a good time save for that 1 week of writing and revising. So now's really the first time I exerted this much effort. Perhaps the reason I'm having a difficult time coping with my demanding day job, attention-seeking side jobs, and equally time-consuming personal activities is the fact that I've never been prepared for this kind of burden. I'm too young to be burned out and I'm definitely not complaining about all the things that are genuinely keeping me busy for months now. It's just that, my 2016 is proving to be a good yet taxing year. It's making me think back to those times when I'm supposed to have learned how to budget my time and work on as many things in my life simultaneously as I possibly could. It's too late for regrets though. All in all, I still consider myself lucky for what the universe is throwing at my way. Never mind the thousands of regrets that I have, I am yet to redeem myself in the future.

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I do not fear the future in general especially since I have high hopes for a good one. But I greatly fear having life pass me by. I fear passing on from opportunities just because I didn't have the guts to leave my comfort zone. I fear entering the late part of my life knowing that I do not have any fruits to reap. I'm most afraid of retiring without having anything to secure the 'things that I'm trying to build now'. I've never been the type who has written her Life Plan but I've always been the girl who, like so many others, wants to leave a mark. 

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Sometimes there are songs so nicely written that they seem like they're a piece of poetry. My friend and I have been singing this song plenty of times just to remind us why we can't stop.

Title's from Lukas Graham's 7 Years

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