“But if you tell folks you're a college student, folks are so impressed. You can be a student in anything and not have to know anything. Just say toxicology or marine biokinesis, and the person you're talking to will change the subject to himself. If this doesn't work, mention the neural synapses of embryonic pigeons.”
A couple of posts ago (to be exact, years ago), I mentioned that I’ve found myself in a reading rut. It’s still true to this day but on the upside of this ordeal, this means that I’ve plenty of unread books sitting on various tables at home, waiting for me to give them their due attention. I’ve realized that more than anything in this world, the most difficult thing to attain is motivation. Where can one buy the will to follow through her plans? Oh well. Aside from indulging in the numerous series that I’m catching up on, this quarantine has somehow forced me to pick up a few books to read. I have finished 3 books in total since the nationwide lockdown in Metro Manila began last 16 Mar 2020. It's not my usual number pre-reading rut but still, this is better than my 2019 count of 0. Today, I'm going to talk about Chuck Palahniuk's Invisible Monsters.
“Give me lust, baby.
Flash.
Give me malice.
Flash.
Give me detached existentialist ennui.
Flash.
Give me rampant intellectualism as a coping mechanism.
Flash.”
I bought the book in 2017, just a couple of weeks after I've finished my first Palahniuk novel (which I talked about HERE). I was thirsty for more of the distinct Palahniuk brand of black humor but alas. I couldn't finish the novel for some reason. I even brought it to some of the trips that I’ve been to hoping that with nothing else to do while waiting for my flight, I’ll just get to it but this mentality didn’t work. It was only this Apr 2020 that I finally sat down and read it. It took me less than a day to complete it. More than its interesting cover, the way it was written was even more interesting. Truly, Palahniuk is a master wordsmith. His writing style is a character on its own and sets him apart from all the other authors who have mesmerized me as well. More than the plot, I highly recommend this novel if only for the way it was written.
“No matter how careful you are, there’s going to be the sense you missed something, the collapsed feeling under your skin that you didn’t experience it all. There’s that fallen heart feeling that you rushed right through the moments where you should have been paying attention. Well get used to that feeling. That’s how your whole life will feel like someday.”
As he has said, this story isn't an “and then, and then, and then” type. It’s more along “jump to page”. Be forewarned that the narrator is unreliable. It's only within the last 10 pages or so that her confusion which led to unreliability would be revealed to have had a reason. To summarize, the book is about a very beautiful young woman whose looks and built are enough to send insecure girls such as myself to surgeons in hopes that we can look like her. She works as a model and so even in mundane life scenarios, she hears prompts such as “Give me attention. Flash. Give me adoration. Flash. Give me a break. Flash.” Until one day, she meets an unfortunate accident which cost her her entire jaw. From a walking goddess whom everybody seems to pave the way for, she turns to a creature who inspires pity out of those who'll look at her. Her face became so pitiful that people pretended that she no longer exists just so they won't have to resort to pretending that they feel sorry for her when in truth, they recoil at the distorted figure in front of them.
“It's all mirror, mirror on the wall because beauty is power the same way money is power the same way a gun is power.”
Because the heroine lost her jaw, even her speech became garbled which added to her distortion. Enter the misfits who took her under their wing. Together, they navigated through their issues and dreams and disappointments while going on adventures with the goal of chasing what they each believe would give them happiness. Our heroine received guidance from the Queen Supreme who imparts to her wisdom that helped her accept who she has become. Included in their many adventures are lessons on how to accept the past as a mere story which happened but does not necessarily mean must continue nor affect the future, on how a new life can begin from complete destruction, on how at any point in one's life it is possible to undergo transformation, on how we are all just an echo of something that has already been done before, and on how manipulative possessing beauty can be.
“Game shows are designed to make us feel better about the random, useless facts that are all we have left of our education.”
“Just each of us being me, me, me first. The murderer, the victim, the witness each of us thinks our role is the lead. Probably that goes for anybody in the world.”
These 2 sets of photos were taken 1 year apart. I've just thought that April usually is a busy month for me in terms of going out and meeting up with friends; and believe me, I am such a homebody that it requires mental conditioning before I agree to leaving the confines of my home. I rarely agree to an on-the-spot meetup. Anyway. April of this year has been the quietest April in my last 5 years, although it's during this year's April that I finally read this novel so there's that for semblance of accomplishment. In Apr 2018, I joined some friends in their trip to Seoul, South Korea because I was in need of a break from work. The last 2 photos were from that trip. Fast forward to Apr 2019 when my parents decided that our summer 2019 family trip would be in Seoul. The first 2 photos were taken then. Not that I think this would be a regular happenstance in my annual plans but I just thought that it would be cohesive to have the same color palette in both trips thus the pink tops. Also, it was during the 2018 trip that I bought the coat which I wore when I returned in 2019. How's that for coming full circle?
“Parents are like God because you wanna know they're out there, and you want them to think well of you, but you really only call when you need something.”
As had been the case in the first Palahniuk novel that I've read, I've come to appreciate this novel's take on religion too. He compared God to our earthly parents, and his comparisons have merits.
“Your being born makes your parents God. You owe them your life, and they can control you. Then puberty makes you Satan, just because you want something better.”
Science, history, and our personal experiences have proven that the world is kinder to those whom it deems beautiful. There is power that goes along with it. This is a given, I suppose. Meanwhile, the book also affirms that society is cruel to those whom it deems ugly. Whether it's been done unknowingly or otherwise, we create certain expectations that only those who meet them are allowed to be part of our circle. We judge others based on several measurements, be it according to their beauty, their intellectual capability, their social circles, their social status, their socio-economic prowess, their educational attainment, even their taste in pets, and so on. The media has fed us an image of what is good and what is bad, what would constitute success and what would constitute failure. We have all become sponges who are ready to accept without processing information just because it's been drilled into our minds. In general, I don't believe that there's anything bad in having certain biases. Perhaps we all have an innate radar that goes off when we meet someone whom we unconsciously believe threatens what we have come to regard as the standard. Sometimes our prejudices are stemmed from our self-preservation. Then again, more often than not, we hold what we believe are their weaknesses against others because we would rather go for convenience, or what is readily accepted by the majority, rather than go out our way in knowing more about them. See, it's easier to judge others than to understand them.
“In the way our world is, everybody shoulder to shoulder, people knowing everything about you at first glance, a good veil is your tinted limousine window. The unlisted number for your face. Behind a good veil, you could be anyone.”
The book is also about us creating multiple veils of our real selves in order to satisfy the expectations of society. We are all so scared to be ostracized that we would rather have these layers of persona who may or may not reflect who we truly are. If there's anything that the book has made me do, it's to re-evaluate myself. I've come to realize that I should listen to the novel when it said, "sometimes the best way to deal with shit is not to hold yourself as such a precious little prize." It'll take a long time before I can shed all my veils but until then, let's see where life would take me. Maybe this is why I have been subconsciously evading the novels that I've bought over the past 2yrs. They're causing too much introspection! Hahahaha I think that I have been successful in not giving away too much spoilers about the novel. I urge you, read it. It is a good jumpstart to Palahniuk's works (aside from his well-known Fight Club).
"Give me pity.
Flash.
Give me another chance.
Flash."
April 2019 outfit
Pink Coat: from a shop in Dongdaemun, South Korea | Pants: Levi's | Shoes: New Balance | Red top: Terranova | Bag: Gucci Guccissima
April 2018 outfit
Sweater: Banana Republic | Pants: Levi's | Shoes: Calvin Klein | Bag: Givenchy Pandora
“Nothing of me is original. I am the combined effort of everyone I've ever known.”
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