29 August 2014

The Inevitable Change

Change is inevitable. Growing up is inevitable. As much as I try to cement myself into place, I can no longer do it because my mind rebels against it. Perhaps I'm in the stage which Ana├»s Nin succinctly put into: "And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."

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Top: Mango | Culottes: Zara | Faux pearl bracelets: from Bangkok, Thailand | Necklace: Forever 21 | Shoes: Topshop | Bag: Coach

21 August had been declared a holiday which coincided with my uncle's second death anniversary. Just like what we did in his first year, we had the lunch catered in one of the function rooms of the columbarium. Instead of expecting 100 guests, we only prepared for 40 this time. 

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Changes happen in either two ways - instantaneously or gradually. Between the two, I'm more wary of the latter. A series of events mean a series of doubting. I hate second-guessing myself because of all the emotions, it's self-pity that I detest the most. I'd rather face a catalyst that will blow a punch so hard it'll knock me off my balance than receive multiple jabs which would fracture not just a part but almost the entirety. I'm all for the one-time big-time kind.

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There are certain things that I used to give so much importance to only to feel suffocated by them towards the end. Maybe everyone is right after all. There's no such thing as permanence. Trivial things that used to excite me no longer triggers even the slightest amused smile from me. Friends who I used to talk, plot silly plans, and hang out with no longer hold the same ideals as I do. Small talks which, as my homeroom teacher in High School and Income Taxation professor in college say, I'm good at keeping up with suddenly become energy-draining. Perhaps what's changed in me is the tolerance I have for everyone and everything. If before I have a wide reserve of it, now I categorize based on who's/what's taxing or not. I lack the energy to continue dealing with the former. Call me selfish or a selective picker, or someone who's stopped accepting others' BS, but I'm firmly standing on my recently found ground. Note that I'm particularly talking about circumstances or people whom I've already met. I haven't completely stopped wearing my rose-colored glasses in hopes of meeting others who'll inspire me and setting sights on adventures that will thrill me.

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I'm so thrilled; my page statistics indicates that there are people in France who chance upon my blog! I implore your good souls to correct me should you see errors in my attempt at using your language every once in a while. (Oh see, may additional 2 readers na ako hahahaha) Je suis content de savior que il y a trop gens qui parle francais lu mon blog.

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Obviously, I enjoyed myself too much in this set that there's been an excess of photos. Haha!

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