Sometimes, Christmas equates sadness

I feel awful. 2010 is nearing to its end and with it comes two of my special Grandpas. I was frequently asked how my family celebrates All Soul's Day but everytime, I would just tell them that it's as if we're celebrating nothing. Until 2009, I never had the chance to visit a cemetery. My grandpas and grandmas in both sides were all just a call away. So really, I didn't have anyone to go to every November. Came February of this year, I experienced the pain of losing someone in the family. My grandpa in my Daddy's side died. I cried, partly because I will never see him again, but mainly I cried because I have never been a good granddaughter to her when he was still alive. To add some more pain, my great grandpa in my Mommy's side passed away earlier this evening. We were throwing a Christmas party for my Tito Roy's employees when mom received a phone call from Quezon province. My great grandpa finally succumb to death. Death has always been something that I can easily say, until now. It feels as if I'm saying an alien word when I say it now. Tomorrow, we'll be going to Quezon to pay our respect to Amama (that's how we called him). The day after that, Christmas Day, I'm not sure if we can still celebrate it as gaily as how we usually do it. 

Wherever you are now, I wish you both are happy.