But I Must Live Fully

5 years ago (can't believe that 2019 is truly 5yrs ago), one of my best friends in this entire world and I were traipsing around Salzburg, Austria to chase after the places that at one point became the setting in the life of Mozart, to wait for a half hour just to be seated in an 1880-built restaurant where we  tried their famous schnitzel and beer soup, to do our own rendition of the Do-Re-Mi song at Mirabell Palace and Gardens, and just to immerse ourselves in a city that is full of historical and musical importance. Of course the best Mozart-related activity that we had, more than visiting the Mozart Residence, was eating the Mozartkugeln chocolates. Those were truly divine, and inspiring. 

Fur top: Zara | Pants and inner long-sleeves: Uniqlo | Beanie: Tommy Hilfiger | Boots: from USA | Bag: Pacsafe

Ever the reliable friend, we had matching bags in this trip thanks to Tatiana. It is probably unwise to leave 2 super-trusting, super-adventurous girls without any protection, so to speak, that her Dad made a very smart move of buying us "thief-proof" bags before we went on our trip. There is always the possibility of being taken advantage of anywhere in the world, yes, but Europe was so far away from Manila that her Dad's first thought after learning of our trip was not to wish us enjoyment but to esnure that we'll have at least something to secure our belongings; not that our common sense was lacking in any way. It's just that, it would prove to be very difficult if we suddenly found ourselves without our wallets and cards. I'm happy to report that all the cities we visited proved to have the friendliest and safest locals to tourists like us so no, we didn't lose any money nor important stuff that we weren't readily willing to part with, save for a few taxi fares that we had to take because of having no other options.

Perhaps I have been a little sentimental and recollective of my Feb 2019 Eurotrip because I have just completed a form regarding my accommodation for the foreseeable future, in Europe. Yes, I am going back to Europe before the year ends. No, it doesn't excite me as much as planning a 2-3wk family trip but it excites me in a more be-brave-Gellie way. More than my conviction of going to a new city/country every year, my goal this year is to try something that I have never done before. And this, my friends, is where the double feeling of fear and excitement enter. 

I am now in my thirties. And though I am unfortunately among those who do not have hard-driven goals, one thing that I am certain of is that, I will live a life that would hopefully have no regrets. I'm going to go on as many adventures as I can, take as many leaps albeit calculated as I can, and enjoy all of it. I am going to be scared, sure, but I will try to gain independence out of it all. Ahh 2024, I am so excited for everything that you have in store for me. 

Easy Come, Hard Go Then Life Goes On

 2023 is finally the year where I can at least say that my life is back on track, after the uncertainty brought by the pandemic. And what a year it had been! It started off hectic, what with January being my birth month and all (which meant birthday parties on all 4 weekends), maintained its rhythm as the year progressed, and rounded up SOOO hectic again. But I loved it ; I loved it all! This is how my years are supposed to be spent: tiring and downright challenging, but with so much payoff. 

If I were to talk of any personal growth, I suppose I have grown so much this year given that I was taught by the best kind of teacher for someone like me. You know, the no-choice-but-to-deal-with-it kind. See, I have always been good at deflecting, which is a defense mechanism, or so I've been told. But this year, this option was not available because I couldn't influence the involved variables any longer. It turned out for the better, right now at least. We'll see later on. Let the future me handle it when the situation changes again. Hmm. I digress. My 2023 had been pretty eventful. I've reconnected with my grade school best friends in a far off place (the other part of the world, literally) and it comforts me to know that our dynamic has not changed despite subsisting only on the perfunctory exchange of birthday greetings this past decade ; some of my favorite persons have visited me in Manila including my favorite Ambassador whom I've last seen in 2017 and one of my college favorites, my Budabestie ; my closest friends from work have left, but completely understandable given that I was involved in their planning before they left ; my regular meet-ups with my college and High School best friends ; and all other social gatherings I attended this year. And they're quite a lot since I made it a point to limit my Sorry-can't-attend declines. All in all, I've been pretty out and about this year. 

                                              Sakura in full bloom in Tokyo                                  Red maple leaves in Vancouver

Top: Uniqlo | Pants: Zara | Bag: Issey Miyake Bao Bao | Earrings: from a jewelry store in Makati Shangri-La | Bangle: Givenchy                             Jacket: Gap | Inner top: Zara | Pants: Topshop | Bag: Prada | Shoes: Air Jordan 1 

I've been on 7 trips abroad this year, 10 roundtrip flights including local in-country trips (for a total count of 63 days. I'm not sure how I was able to get away with it at work too hmm) but let me share a few photos from the 3 ones that involved the most planning: the 2wk trip in Japan (Tokyo and Fujiyoshida) last March, 2.5wks in Australia in June/July (Brisbane, Gold Coast, and Sydney), and the almost 4wks in Canada (Calgary, Banff/Lake Louise, Vancouver, and Canmore) in November.  

I flew to Japan to attend my friend's graduation from her PhD degree in Economics. And what a feat! She's earned it before turning 30. Her parents, probably too tired from all of her graduation ceremonies, couldn't make it but as someone who gives importance to every milestones thus they all must be properly celebrated, I couldn't let her graduate without having anyone whose reason for being there was solely her.  

Top: Zara | Pants: Uniqlo Disney collection | Hat: from DisneySea | Bag: Kai x Gucci collection

Plus, I really really really miss the Disney theme park so the Japan trip was perfect to accommodate it wahahaha

Mid-size and long-size pink puffer jackets, gloves: Columbia | Snow boots: Michael Kors and Aldo | Snow pants: Decathlon | Leather pants: Zara 

Winter in Canada is different from the winter in other countries plus I knew that we're going to spend at least a week exploring the Canadian Rockies so I brought along several coats in varying sizes. I haven't experienced winter in so long so I'm not sure if I can still handle the temperature as easily I've always had in the past. Besides I'm no longer the pretend Elsa who can say "the cold never bothered me anyway" because it now does. It's never happened before but it happened 2x this year that I packed mid-length dresses to be paired with long trench coats, only for me to give up mid-day and buy stockings on the spot. It's so weird. I'm really bothered by the cold now. We were supposed to celebrate Christmas 2020 in Canada, as I've mentioned in previous posts but the pandemic foiled the plan. For this year, my younger brother couldn't join us for the Holiday season as he's busy fulfilling the demands of his internship while I've pressing matters to focus on this December so we opted for the next more plausible solution, spend our November in Canada instead. 

Dress: Zara | Shoes: Christian Louboutin Pigalle | Watch: Rolex Oyster Perpetual | Earrings and bangle: Givenchy (gift from my Budabestie)

My Mom celebrated her birthday at Aria Restaurant in Sydney over a 10-course meal and their best wine while "big boy juice" in a wine glass for my 10yr old cousin who insisted to be served like the adults. My younger brother has been doing his internship in Dalby, Australia for a year now which means that we've only seen him 2x this year: when we spent 2wks over there and when he flew back to Manila last October for his 2wk birthday celebration too. He did a similar thing in the past, when our parents sent him on a year-long internship before he graduated from college but I still feel uneasy about it. I've grown up with all my family complete, with the addition of my 2 cousins and my  beloved paternal Grandmother, and now, our number is being reduced because of different reasons. My brother seems to be enjoying what he's doing that I've an inkling that he'll want to extend, indefinitely this time, then there's my cousin who's due for his year-long internship too this coming April. Of course, I'm a firm believer of progress so I am supportive of anyone's conviction to go for it but at the same time, I feel sentimental about it. 

Denim jumpsuit: Zara | Shoes: Air Jordan 1 | Bag: Givenchy Pandora 

And to wrap up my I'm-growing-older-and-so's-everyone-around-me post, it's quite curious how my most streamed artists on Spotify (not counting my other account which is solely dedicated to my favorite KPOP artist whom I apparently dedicated 330 days of just streaming him and his band haha) are Ed Sheeran and Imagine Dragons, specifically their albums Subtract and Mercury Acts 1&2. My favorite songs were Life Goes On and My Life respectively. Hmm. Perhaps I knew early on this year that things are changing. 

Top and pants: Uniqlo | Cardigan: from Australia | Shoes: New Balance 501 | Bag: Issey Miyake Bao Bao 

Hehehe I was in Tokyo so I had to try getting that Shibuya crossing photo. Still a fail! 

Oh well, my life is changing and about to enter a new phase. I'm anxious but I'm excited for it. At the end of it all, growth comes only to those who are willing to leave their comfort zones. It's difficult to leave mine because I will never run out of excuses on why I shouldn't but I know that I must do this and experience things that I would otherwise never experience, if I want to learn something new. Let's see. 2023 was SOOO good and fulfilling. Let's make 2024 an even more impactful year. 

Happy New Year, friends!

You're No Longer the Ingenue

 Wow it's almost the end of the year and I'm only on my 1st post for this year. I've been remiss, as usual, haven't I? Oh well, I guess I just really have to include updating this blog at least once every 2 months in my New Year Resolutions (I hope I can actually follow through though).

Turtleneck Heattech used as top: Uniqlo | Leatherette pants: Zara | Fur vest: Miss Selfridge | Boots: Ross department store | Bag: Goyard St. Louis

 

This year has been quite challenging. It started slow and uncertain, just like how the rest of my 2020/2021 had been. I didn't know if I could make any plans or commit to an activity, like say, enroll in French classes again because it will be very useful for my 2023 plans (fingers crossed that it'll push through given that I've delayed it more than enough already). And then some time after the 1st quarter, things started picking up, along with my immediate desire for a new environment, that I agreed to big changes to happen to me left and right. Ever the girl whose choices in life have been mostly passive albeit mixed with a couple of manipulative efforts in-between, I was thrown out of my usual elements that by the last couple of months of the year, I ended up having too much on my plate. 

And you know what happens when I don't know how to handle things anymore? Some things end up being sacrificed and the unfortunate part is, I don't get to choose which. Sure, I learn, at the end of it all. And I get to salvage whatever's left from the whirlwind that it had been, but I still lost something dear. An irreversible damage that I have to live with permanently. Oh well indeed.

These were taken last 31 Dec 2019 in Shanghai, China during my family's Holiday trip.  Yearly, my family (which includes the family of my 2 cousins and my Grandmothers) goes on 2 big trips: one during summer and another for the Holiday season. Non-airplane-requiring trips do not count, in my book at least. Because of the pandemic, this trip had been the last one that we've taken as a family, and with complete members. My paternal grandmother, the only person I listen to and seek advice from next to my parents, passed away in Sept 2022, 9 months after she was energetically climbing the Great Wall of China. Curse you, pandemic, you've taken too much from me. 

Dress: Gu | Shoes: Vans | Bag: Prada nylon 

This photo was taken last 29 Aug 2022 at Namsan Tower, Seoul, South Korea. It was the 2nd trip that I've gone on with only my Mom as my travel companion (the 1st one being the month prior this, and still in South Korea) and it was very memorable. I had a very specific purpose for traveling to South Korea successively, and I'll probably talk about it in my next posts, that the possibility of traveling alone didn't bother me. I was even prepared to do it. But of course to my parents who still don't see me as a fully independent adult, the idea of me traveling alone was not a possibility thus my ever supportive Mom ended up accompanying me to both my Jul and Aug SK adventures. 

The title that I used for this post is from Tick Tick Boom!'s 30/90. I've watched the Andrew Garfield-starring film more than 10x already and I still can't get enough of it. Perhaps it's because it was the only "new" musical that I've seen recently owing to the lockdowns and travel bans (but not anymore because my SK trips were because I wanted to watch A Song of Meissa musical repeatedly but again, I digress) that the songs and the story were just so refreshing to me. Or perhaps it's because it felt like the movie was the perfect representation of my life at that time. Too much dreams with equally daunting walls of reality, yup, story of my life. Ughh but not today, since I'm too lazy to wax poetic about my never-ending woes of 'what will I do with my life'. 

 I've always been the bringer of Christmas spirit in my family because Christmas is my favorite holiday of the year and when I'm excited, I make sure that everyone should also be but this year, I didn't have as much excitement as I typically do (haven't recovered it, to be precise, after my beloved Grandmother's passing). Just the same, it wouldn't be me if there were no celebrations at all. We had a simple one at home with my cousins, along with 50 others and a catered lunch because there's no room to dwell on one's issues when there are too many others to entertain HAHA, but I hope I'll retrieve my festive self soon. My 5 Christmas films/day should help, I suppose. Let's see!

Happy holidays, everyone!! Here's me in the happiest place on Earth taken last 1 Jan 2020.

This post really doesn't have an outline of what I want to say thus the change-of-topic midway through the paragraphs but I suppose it's still an acceptable update nonetheless. Will try to post a more cohesive one after this :)

Champagne Problems

I've never been into the science fiction genre. My knowledge on anything that remotely touches the subject is limited to what I deem interesting. Mostly, I don't understand it. But these days, I've been trying to follow the developments in the highly controversial technology known as CRISPR. 

Dress: Zara | Shoes: Manolo Blahnik Hangisi | Love bracelet: Cartier

In what I believe would be among my 5 favorite posts in this blog ever (read it again HERE), I agreed to Musk's question which roughly translates to "how come the brilliant minds who are supposed to ensure that advancements in science would progress seem to be missing?" Little did I know that in the works was an invention that would change the very foundation of life. CRISPR is a technology that is capable of editing our DNA. We all know that our DNA is responsible for everything that we are born with, meaning this is a result of supposedly uncontrolled combinations obtained from our biological parents. But with the existence of CRISPR, it is no longer comparable to winning a gene lottery because this technology works like a lotto ticket that ensures hitting the jackpot outright. Now imagine the implications. My brothers who have poor eyesight, which they inherited from my Mom, who inherited it from her Mom and so forth, wouldn't have to bother with this issue anymore thanks to CRISPR. Or consider those afflicted with genetic disorders, incompatible genes, and all other diseases that can be cured by altering the DNA including cancer and aids. I've watched plenty of documentaries about genetic diseases so somehow, I theoretically understand how difficult it is to be very limited by circumstances that we have no control over. I'm aware that I would not fully know the extent of the pain caused by diseases that I am fortunately not suffering from nor any of my close family and friends.

CRISPR can also make me taller. Instead of my diminutive height, I can be as tall as my 5"6' college best friend whom I've always encouraged to wear this and that only because I would've worn the same clothes had I been given her height (Hi Lina!). But what's stopping others from increasing their height alone when CRISPR can address specific issues at a molecular level? Instead of having good eye vision, why not get x-ray vision? Instead of curing bone diseases, why not make the person super-strong instead? I mean, with a few tweaks I'm sure that this isn't far from what this technology can do. So see, this is where the problem with CRISPR lies. It is now a question if the pros outweigh the cons. Once it's been out, a few creative minds would surely develop another use that may or may not be what the technology was initially intended for. History has proven this to be a regular occurrence. So who gets to make these decisions? Who should have the power to regulate it, to use it? The government, head doctors, or should it be democratized or be made available for everyone? Should it be handled by someone in a position that is so easily corruptible? 

with my parents

See how interesting and scary CRISPR is? It's scary because its implications are just supposed to be stuff of science fiction. I do believe that this technology is a big leap for mankind. Slowly, we are getting to the future that the only science fiction literature that I voluntarily read (school-required literature do not count) talk about: Isaac Asimov's The Last Question. It's just a short story, let's all give our brain a much-deserved break from the pop culture that it's subjected to daily. 

Anyway, let me round up this post by saying that the lockdown is frustrating. I've missed several trips abroad and local as well as life events meant to be celebrated with family and friends. It truly feels like my life has been put on hold for almost 2 years now. It frustrates me, especially since I'm only a couple of years away from leaving my twenties years. When someone said that the 20s are our selfish years, I fully embraced it. I did things according to what would benefit me the most (but nothing life-changing). I'm not sure if it's because I feel like I'm supposed to have more time to continue living with this mindset that for the first time that I can recall, I find myself bored. 

These photos were taken last January 2019 at Nobu Manila, during my birthday celebration with family. Let me share a funny anecdote and a somehow small achievement for me that night. This was the first birthday celebration that I had where I went and asked, "is it okay if I pay for our dinner tonight, Dad?" You can imagine how hearty his laugh was hahahahaha 

Lastly, the title is a Taylor Swift evermore song. I'll echo this author's wonderful question in this article (read it too and know why "Champagne Problems is one of the smartest songs I've heard in a long time").  

'I am cognizant of the fact that my problems not only look different than the problems of many other people in my county, state, country, but I also am aware that, truthfully, they do often pale in comparison to the problems that others have. How do I now reckon with my problems — that ones that do still exist — in the light of that knowledge?'

Off We Go!

I was just on the phone earlier with my friend Kim when she casually mentioned this blog. She said that she misses my diary-type telling of events with the sole intention of simply documenting my "clumsy reactions to life". And guess what, she has a point! Today's post would just be a long narration of one of the trips I went to last 2018. Also, it's because I miss my cousin Alissa. We were supposed to be reunited in 2020 since my family's Christmas vacation was supposed to be in Canada but alas, it's also among the trips we had to cancel because of the ongoing pandemic. 

For the 1st time, I celebrated the Christmas Season without my parents. They had to stay behind to sort out important business matters while everyone else flew to Canada to spend the 3 week 2018-2019 holiday there as planned. Ever the opportunist, my cousin and I took this circumstance to book our very own "holiday within the holiday". Thus our quick 5-day Las Vegas trip was born hahahahaha

Knowing that my Dad would've never agreed to this plan, Alissa and I planned the quick 27-31 Dec trip in secrecy. We only revealed our plans to the adults a week before the entire holiday began. At that point, they couldn't do anything anymore since everything had already been pre-paid. Disclaimer: I've done similar actions in the past with my friends and on those 3 occasions, my plane tickets, hotel bookings, visas, etc were all wasted because my Mom didn't let me go. I suppose it's because it's with my cousin this time and we used the "we haven't seen each other in a long time" card (despite going on another adventure just 6 months prior) so the parents eventually relented. See the lengths I have to go though just so I can get things done my way? I'm kidding!

Our entire trip could be best described as spontaneous and funny ; from the 1st day where we arrived at the airport 15mins pre-boarding time to the last day where we had to rush to the airport to avoid the barricades in time for the New Year's Eve celebration. On the 2nd day of the trip, I had to wake up at 5AM because I had decided to go on an adventure alone. I was already in Vegas so I might as well see the Grand Canyon. I booked a tour through Viator which included hotel pick-up and drop-off, meals for the entire day, and the highlight of that adventure, a helicopter ride. The only thing that I failed to check prior to leaving my room was the temperature. I assumed that even though it's winter, it wouldn't be too cold since I've always associated the place to a desert. I was surprised to see snow on the way to the destination. I was only wearing a wind-breaker on top of a thin sweater. Thank goodness I at least brought along a neck warmer scarf otherwise I would've probably stayed behind in the cozy van. 

I was seated next to the pilot so I had a front-view of the entire scenery. The Grand Canyon was magnificent!!! I enjoy going to new places because I'm in constant search for the feeling of being overwhelmed. I find comfort in knowing that I would never run out of things to marvel at, to be curious about. Traveling overwhelms me. It doesn't happen all the time but when it does, I get too stunned and glad that something as dazzling existed the same time that I did. Grand Canyon was simply beautiful. It should be included in everyone's itinerary. Although, the  couple whom I shared the same van with from and to Vegas, said that only those who rode the helicopter saw the places that I've seen. It took more than 4 hours to reach Arizona from my hotel plus another 4 hours going back, all within the same day. Pick a comfortable tour package from the plenty of available choices because it would matter. 

My uncultured self made the stupid mistake of not making a reservation at Hell's Kitchen before going there when it 's been my task to make the reservations whenever we eat at restaurants here in Manila. I have always wanted to try Gordon Ramsay's food so Alissa and I agreed that no matter what happens, we would eat at any of his restaurants scattered in different The Strip hotels. My 1st choice was Hell's Kitchen. We were already inside when the receptionist asked us if we have a reservation. She said that because it was the Christmas Season, bookings were usually made 1-2 weeks in advanced. Perhaps she saw my disappointment and my desperation so she mentioned that the nearby Gordon's Pub & Grill inside the Caesars Palace is on first-come-first-served basis. Off we went to the restaurant. We waited for an hour before finally getting a table but at that time, no one could stop me from eating there, not even my stomach which was begging for food already. Once seated and our orders arrived, an attendant came and routinely asked how our food was. I didn't know what came over me but for someone who's been a Gordon Ramsay fan after years of watching his Master Chef shows, I only came up with "it's well-seasoned". Mind you, I was pointing at the fries that we had for appetizers. When she asked for how the salmon or the chicken or the chicken tikka massala were, I still chose "well-seasoned" as my answer. My brain failed me at the worst time hahahahaha

Our choices of hotel accommodations were also out of a whim. Granted that we had limited budget since we couldn't have asked from our parents, we chose to split the 4 nights into 2 places. The 1st choice was Luxor Hotel & Casino along the Strip. She described the room that we got with "2 queen-sized beds for 2 queens". The 2nd room that we got was in Palms Casino Resort. It was bigger and had better amenities but it wasn't along The Strip anymore. This time, the room had 2 televisions and a very nice view of the entire city. 

Now, the best part about being in Vegas was that, no one would bat an eye if you go drinking at anytime of the day. I ordered a margarita to drink while watching Cirque du Soleil but I wasn't expecting to be given a 1L tumbler. All the drinks came in extra-large sizes so we didn't have a waking moment when we weren't tipsy. There's also this huge red tumbler which can be refilled at the stations located in all the hotels along The Strip, at a cost of course. These red tumblers were our everyday companion. In one afternoon, after proving our bad luck at the slot machines, we decided to ride the Linq High Roller. We convinced ourselves to make the best out of the 30min ride by ordering as many drinks as we can. Suffice to say, we got off the the ride giggling and slightly more tipsy than the previous days. So when we saw a make-shift tarot card reading place upon alighting from the High Roller, Alissa and I launched into long discussions about our future with them. Alissa even paid extra just to hear options B and C of her immediate future. 

We met a lot of people too, tourists like us who were out to have fun and to experience the crazy Las Vegas vibe that those who've been to usually rave about. We had so much fun and it was the best celebration to end 2018 with. Our return flight was on the 31st. We tried our luck when we booked our flights but pushing it even further by staying behind to join the NYE countdown would've been too much. Let me end this post with, I only posted about 3days' worth of stories. You can go as crazy as you want but what happens in Vegas HAS to stay in Vegas.